Showing posts with label double mastectomy with reconstruction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label double mastectomy with reconstruction. Show all posts

Thursday, August 4, 2016

The Breast Cancer Chronicles: Sometimes You Just Have to Sleep (Five Weeks Post-Op)

Waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to get back to sleep is awful. I think we can all agree on that, regardless of our politics. Yesterday I woke up around 4:00 am. I thought I would go right back to sleep, but I didn't. I couldn't. I fought with myself about taking something, but I didn't think I was hurting badly enough to need it. I tried reading a book, reading the news (big mistake), listening to relaxing music. I finally gave up and downloaded the first season of Outlander. I didn't have a chance after that! I was hooked! Midway through the second episode, Mom texted and we went to explore the new art store in town.

Welcome @blick_tampa
We had a blast tinkering with all of the tools and toys for artists! I, of course, couldn't resist picking up some new goodies to create my trees! When I asked for test paper, Dave, the guy helping us, asked me to draw something which turned into a sign welcoming them to Tampa. I'm told it will be framed and hanging the next time I am there. What fun! Give them a follow on Instagram @blick_Tampa if you are into art or crafty things.

New pens = new trees! 

So, of course, I had to try out all of my new goodies when I got home. This tree has a long way to go, but I am enjoying seeing how it develops. I also learned a valuable lesson yesterday. After YEARS of hunting for yellow ball point pens, I found a set that included yellow last week at the dollar store, which I used to begin this tree. I also found some more expensive ones at Blick, but I left them in the store until I could try the first ones. Now I wish I had bought the fancy ones. The cheap ones work, but they leave globs of ink all over the paper. Lesson: sometimes cheap pens aren't worth the price. At least I know now, and can now save up for the good set at Blick.

After waking up way too early yesterday morning, and running around more than I had in weeks, I knew sleep was imperative. To help, I decided to search some post-mastectomy yoga videos on YouTube last night. I tried a couple of very slow and gentle practices, and they helped me relax enough to sleep. I guess I needed it more than I realized.

Thank you for all of the input on the videos. I hope they are getting a little better. Today's was a struggle for a multitude of reasons, all of which can be summed up by the words Operator Error. Learning new things is so much fun, isn't it? Welcome, once again, to my world. It may not be pretty, but this is the way it is today.


I misspoke on the video about how long I have been off the estrogen. It has been about eight weeks now. Still flashing, and not fun! Sorry for the mistake, but I simply could not record this AGAIN! LOL.

Oh, big news! The wristbands are in again! Thank you to everyone who took one the first go-round. If you would like an Amy's Army #glovesup wristband, please send us a message and we'll make it happen. If you would like a bunch, let us know. The new Gloves Up t-shirt order is up on the Gloves Up With Amy FB page, so check that out and we'll put in an order with the printer asasp.

Thank you for all of your love, support, encouragement, time, energy, and thoughtfulness. I am still the luckiest girl I know, and I am thankful to all of you every minute of every day.

As always, like, share, comment, tweet, message, whatever works for you as I learn this blogging and video blogging process.

Be well. Be happy. Be kind.

#glovesup

Peace.

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Monday, June 13, 2016

The Breast Cancer Chronicles: Volume Three

Trying so very hard to put this day into words, and really struggling. As much as I hate to admit it, I let this day send me into fetal position (the very day after I said I wouldn't do that for lmore than a few minutes!) where I slept all afternoon and allowed my brain to rest and process.

Nothing has changed, except that I learned today how much harder this was going to be than I wanted to believe.  Notice the word "wanted" in there. I knew it was going to be awful. I knew it was going to hurt like Hell and have a long recovery process, but I didn't realize just how long and how involved a double mastectomy with reconstruction really is. 

In my perfect dream world, I wake up from the surgery, cancer and pain free, with a perfect new set of breasts that are complete and need nothing else. I've also lost fifty pounds, my hair and make-up are so perfect that I could be on a movie set. I LOVE that world... In the real world, I wake up with expanders in my chest, that will be injected with saline every week until they reach the right size and shape. Meanwhile I am taking chemo regularly and going bald. THEN, well after any chemo has ended, there is another surgery to put the actual implants in place. 

In my head it went: surgery - back to work the next week - chemo - shave head - life and work as usual - cured forever! Celebrate!  In the real world it goes more like: surgery - recover from surgery - chemo - next surgery - recover from next surgery - cured - back to life as usual.  I am sure that work and home life are in there at regular internvals, but I don't know when, where, or how. 

I am scared, really scared, of how long the recovery part of this usually takes. I wanted to be Superwoman. I wanted to be the one who could take all of this while still managing work, taking care of two big, energetic dogs and a cat, doing yoga every day and setting the world on fire. Instead, I found out I am just a regular person. But a very lucky one who has a fierce army surrounding her on all sides. 

I had mountains of insurance paperwork and planning to do today, but instead I collapsed into bed and slept there for four hours. I bet even Superwoman has to nap too sometimes. I bet every woman and man who has fought this fight has been exhausted sometimes. But after we rest, we get back up, put our gloves up, and fight on until we win. 

One of my amazing survivor friends was with me and Mom at the plastic surgeon's today. She said something that I have heard in different ways several time of late. This time, it really seemed to get in my head. "You are going to feel everything on this journey, scared, angry, sad, hopeful, hopeless, happy, and even like giving up sometimes. Allow yourself to feel all of those things without judging them. Feel them and let them go." I may be paraphrasing a bit, but I heard it, and I listened this time. 

Today was one of those terrified, yet hopeful days. I was discouraged, but I knew it wouldn't last. Sleep helped. Writing this blog helped. An anonymous gift of a mantraband that said, "Never Give Up' arrived, and that helped. If you are the one who sent it to me, thank you. I will never give up. I will fight every minute of every day I have, even in the minutes when I am sleeping, I am preparing for the fight. 

I can do this. I will do this. I appreciate all of you for your support and encouragement. Together we are strong. 

Peace and love.
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