tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49171336574507140942024-03-27T14:40:38.097-04:00BettyRantsBettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.comBlogger92125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-89180893296804123692019-05-29T13:42:00.000-04:002019-05-29T13:42:10.101-04:00On the Occasion of My Three Year Lumpiversary<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Three years ago today, I woke before dawn to discover a popped popcorn shaped lump in my left breast. To be clear, I wasn't looking for lumps. I didn't make a habit of the self-exam that has turned out to be so very important. I didn't think about breast cancer. We had no family history on either parent's side, of which we know. Breast cancer was not on my radar. At all. But I woke up sore from doing a bunch of work outside the day before and was kind of testing all of the sore spots, as one does, when I stumbled over it. I froze. I palpated it with purpose. I checked the other side. No discernable popcorn existed on the right. It was only on the left, and it was devoid of any sensation. I don't know how I knew, but I knew. Instantly. I knew it was cancer. I was right.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Time both crawled and flew over the next few days, weeks, and months as the surgery, treatment, and recovery plan materialized. Through it all I was surrounded by angels everywhere. The surgeons, nurses, assistants, staff, and counselors at every turn were helpful before I even realized I needed help. My family, blood and extended, was in it for every moment. Friends near and far showed up in ways I could never have imagined. I have always said that I am the luckiest person I know. I believe that to this day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It is mind-boggling to think that all of this started <i>three whole years ago</i>, and <i>Only three years ago,</i> all at the same time. But it did. It would be ridiculous to try to sum up the last three years in one post, so I'll focus on life today, instead.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Every morning I wake up thankful to be here. Even when I feel lousy, I am grateful! I knew far too many people who were not so lucky. I also wake up with a very small, very quiet voice in the back of my head who whispers, "Is this the day? Is it back? Would you know if it was? You got way too lucky. You had no right to be that lucky. It will be back, and you won't get that lucky again." No matter what studies or doctors say, that voice is still there. Mind you, I don't<i> listen </i>to the voice. I acknowledge that it exists, bid it a good morning and get on with my day. <i>Most of the time</i>. Some days, when I'm exhausted, I feel "off" or I feel anything odd, that voice is harder to ignore. Here's the thing, acknowledging that voice won't make its words true. It won't make them Not True either. It just is. And I just am. I will continue to Be, until I am no longer. I chose to make peace with the voice, the fear, the angst, the worry, so that I can take one breath after the other and enjoy the life I have for however long I have it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I still have pain along the sides of my implants. I still feel exhausted. I still spend a lot of time on the weekends resting and recharging from the week. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I know that when I am not meditating and doing yoga I feel worse than when I am, and yet, I still resist on many days. Why is this? I must do better. I will do better.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I have met the love of my life and we are creating a beautiful future together. I want to live for many, many years to enjoy that life with her. I want to be here to celebrate the Monster's high school and college graduation, to celebrate his wedding to whomever he chooses, <i>if</i> he chooses. I want to be here to meet his children, should he decide to have them. I want to be here to celebrate all of those things with my students, friends, and family, too. I want to live to see the realization of my dreams. So, Little Voice be damned! <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btWXFB6L4IA">I am here</a>. I will be here. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As always, please reach out if you or someone you love is facing a cancer diagnosis. I will do whatever I can to help you fight. Until this damn disease no longer exists, I will fight with you and for you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Today and every day, I am grateful to each of you for being part of Amy's Army. I am grateful to have you in my life, whether online or IRL. I am grateful for every moment. Every. Moment. Always. Be kind to yourselves and to each other.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Peace</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">#glovesup</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKI4BIPnau-pYqjeCWymJzEPcKtps6p8lLVWNuHknyWIUTCOOlV7TK5RlbGKC9iyfNSE1Rt6lJsWCLmEYYGc5-fQekAYUri4ug8NBY3oq-rUYMU-VHBHEtGK7cFJEaZyD06nOPfQJMtms/s1600/AP2018_0123%252820x24%2529WM2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKI4BIPnau-pYqjeCWymJzEPcKtps6p8lLVWNuHknyWIUTCOOlV7TK5RlbGKC9iyfNSE1Rt6lJsWCLmEYYGc5-fQekAYUri4ug8NBY3oq-rUYMU-VHBHEtGK7cFJEaZyD06nOPfQJMtms/s320/AP2018_0123%252820x24%2529WM2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.theaffirmationsproject.com/" target="_blank">The Affirmations Project</a> was one of the highlights of the last year.<br /></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>BettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-39717391788010604262017-09-30T21:47:00.002-04:002017-09-30T21:56:55.228-04:00Never Saw It ComingAs I approach the first anniversary of my reconstruction, I find that I have many more good moments than challenging, many more reasons to be grateful than to complain, and many more occasions to celebrate than to mourn. Yes, it takes a lot of work and energy to stay positive, but I do that work because wallowing in pain, anger, and misery is unacceptable to me. My life, with all its twists and bumps, is the only one I've got, and I refuse to waste it.<br />
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That said, every once in a while I am overcome with rage, despair, pain, and exhaustion beyond my power to fight. I wish I could see those moments coming, but I haven't figured out how to do that yet. Thursday, when the news of Julia LoiusDreyfus' breast cancer diagnosis popped up on my screen at work, I was seized with a unexpected wave of crippling rage and hopelessness beyond my control to ride. I tried to swallow all of those feelings and keep working, but the lump in my throat felt like it filled my entire chest. I excused myself, found a friend in the hall, and asked for a hug, and silently shook with sobs as he patiently held me steady. Then I ran upstairs to the private bathroom and collapsed in a fit of burning tears silently screaming, "No more! Damnit, NO MORE!" I ugly cried. I <i>really</i> ugly cried, my face splotchy red and purple with a nose that glowed like Rudolph's.<br />
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I couldn't go back into the office looking like that, so instead found a tiny niche in the conference room between a sideboard and bench, grabbed a pillow, and clutched it to my burning, aching chest, fighting to stem the tide. <i>Of course</i> someone came into the conference room to work just a few moments later. The sight of me in a mottled heap on the floor startled her, but she did just the right thing. She sat with me. She didn't ask questions, she didn't try to fix it, she just sat with me so I wasn't alone. In those moments, that was exactly what I needed. Eventually I was able to focus on my breathing and calm myself enough to return to work. Having a regular <a href="http://www.10percenthappier.com/">mindfulness meditation</a> practice helped a lot as I fought to recover myself. I was able to step out of my head for a moment and focus on the breath flowing in and out of my lungs. While I couldn't do that in the instant that the wave hit, I did get there more quickly than I could have in the past.<br />
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Being the Betty I am, of course I had to start dissecting the episode as soon as I could think again. And, in a shocking turn of events, it turns out that I am not okay with not being okay. It would seem, however, that I am not as okay as I thought I was. I thought I was, "Fine," with all of it: breast cancer, double mastectomy, missing out on a giant chunk of the last year, reconstruction, pain...so much pain, and exhaustion that never seems to abate. I thought I didn't need to worry about not knowing what size or kind of bra I should be wearing, not knowing if the feeling would ever come back in my perky new breasts, and not knowing if anyone would ever find me romantically attractive again. I guess I was wrong.<br />
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I didn't realize that, after hurricane Harvey devastated so much of Texas, and Irma looked to do the same to us, disaster-prep and sleeping in the closet with the dog took a toll on me. I didn't realize how much I was feeling the bombardment of political ugliness. The vitriol constantly flung about like Mardi Gras beads in a parade attacked like tiny paper cuts to my, tender peace-and-love soul. One at a time they hurt, but bleed just a little. En masse, they can cause an excruciating exsanguination. The loss of another friend to this damn disease, the loss of a beautiful elementary school just down the street from ours in post-Irma electrical fire, and a mountain of post-cancer debt that I fear I will never summit, together created the perfect storm. My body, mind, and spirit said, "No more."<br />
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<i>Now</i> I realize it was too much. I am a painfully sensitive and empathic person. I have always known this, but apparently have never really learned how to handle it. Clearly I have work to do. When I started this breast cancer journey, and turned the focus of the blog to it, I promised myself I would be honest and show the good and the bad of every day so others would know that they were not alone. What I just realized today is that on bad days, I avoided writing altogether, rather than putting the negativity out there. I am sorry that I made that choice. It is so important for all of us to know that we are not alone in our anger, pain, or fear, regardless of our journey. I looked back at the brilliant book <i><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Love-Warrior-Glennon-Doyle-Melton/dp/1250075726">Love Warrior</a></i> by <a href="http://momastery.com/blog/">Glennon Doyle Melton</a> today and was smacked between the eyes with this gem. "My grief is a solid brick wall in front of me. I want to bulldoze through it, scale it, tear it down a brick at a time. I'm desperate to get to the other side of the wall so I can see what's waiting for me down the path." That is how I addressed my diagnosis and treatment from the first moment. Let's get through this so I can get on to the next part! Apparently that approach is only sustainable for a limited period of time. Clearly I hit my limit Thursday.<br />
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This entire post feels ridiculously self-indulgent, but it is the truth. I feel small, vulnerable, raw, sore, and exhausted from the energy it has taken me to be, "Fine," for so long. I feel foolish for thinking I could outrun all of the feelings that accompany a positive cancer diagnosis and treatment plan. I feel unworthy of all of the negative feelings because my cancer wasn't "bad enough." So many others face far worse prognoses and battles that mine. Who am I to presume to talk? Who am I to feel sad, angry, tired, or overwhelmed? <br />
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This week, I feel crushed under the weight of all of the questions that I cannot answer. However, I know that this will pass. Everything passes eventually. Everything. For now I can only focus on my breathing and, as Glennon so eloquently puts it, "Just do the next right thing one thing at a time. That'll take you all the way home."<br />
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This evening the next right thing was to write this post. Once I hit Publish, I have no idea what the next right thing will be. I <i>will</i> be still and listen, though. I will be still and listen until I figure it out, and then I will do that thing.<br />
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Thank you for joining me on this journey. Thank you for supporting me through <i>all </i>of the days, even when I don't know how to support myself. Please be gentle and show yourselves, and each other, the kindness you have shown me. <br />
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#glovesup<br />
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Peace & love<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip-6XONV_1q0cPflECMd9qSbybWtrXCrDfM8hynWD1EiKLOCWxGcaLDiLMsIu-GYINmd4z9L0vFFAHQx074B8Ablb3ukpYSy71bPKyY7nmk86B7Lte4jzKTbPEDxNvdKyw2wc17kYdisg/s1600/heart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip-6XONV_1q0cPflECMd9qSbybWtrXCrDfM8hynWD1EiKLOCWxGcaLDiLMsIu-GYINmd4z9L0vFFAHQx074B8Ablb3ukpYSy71bPKyY7nmk86B7Lte4jzKTbPEDxNvdKyw2wc17kYdisg/s320/heart.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton inspired me to create this.</td></tr>
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<br />BettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-72594941486378483862017-08-12T10:03:00.003-04:002017-08-12T10:04:18.022-04:00Brought Down By a Blank PageI've been promising an update for the longest time. On my Lumpiversary, over Memorial Day weekend, I started a post, but never finished it. When I re-activated the Gloves Up team for the American Cancer Society's Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk, I started a post, but never finished it. When I went on vacation for seventeen days, I planned a post, but never started it. It seems that I am overwhelmed by the empty page in front of me. So many words flood my head, but sending them through my fingers seems more than I can handle. How is that possible? I beat cancer, but am sidelined by a simple blog post? How ridiculous is that?<br />
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Can you hear my inner critic, or is that voice just in my head? "You are pathetic! No one wants to hear what you have to say. What makes you think you have anything of value to contribute? Who do you think you are? Do something productive instead of hiding behind a computer. You never finish anything, so don't even start. Binge something on Netflix. Take a nap. Nothing you say will make any difference to anyone anyway." And so I listened. And I stopped trying to write. And I binged Netflix like a boss!<br />
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Here's the thing, though, I don't want that inner critic to be right. I want to use my words to heal my world. I want to help others who are fighting battles against illness, against themselves, against their circumstances. I can't do that under a blanket in my pj's with a remote control and a fizzy water. I can't do that if I never take a risk and put my words out there.<br />
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With <a href="http://bettyrants.blogspot.com/2016/06/the-breast-cancer-chronicles-volume-one.html">The Breast Cancer Chronicles</a>, I tried to keep things real, honest, and share what was going on as it was happening, but I also tried to focus on gratitude and positivity. That is how I try to do life in general. But some days are harder than others. Some days are hard. Period. It has been over a year since my double mastectomy, and ten months since my reconstruction. That seems like such a long time, and it seems like no time at all. I thought I would be slaying dragons and running marathons by now, but I'm not. (To be fair, dragons seem pretty cool, so slaying them is mean. And running unless someone scary is chasing me has never seemed like a good idea to me, so I avoid it at all costs.) I'm still exhausted most of the time. I still have pain from the surgeries. I still have to seriously psych myself up to do anything other than rest after work and on weekends. That is my reality right now. Will it always be my reality? Certainly not. But it is right now.<br />
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I went back to work full time in January. In February, I took up hard core mindfulness meditation. I gave myself a nine o'clock bedtime on school nights. I meditated every morning and every night. In March I went to Seattle with Mom to celebrate Baby Sis turning Forty. In April, I went on an amazing four day silent meditation retreat. In May, I got a roommate, school ended and I celebrated with some fabulous friends. In June, I took on some new responsibilities at work, and saw U2 live with the Betties. In July I went to the mountains with Mom & Dad then to Sedona with a lifelong friend. Now here we are at August, and school starts Monday.<br />
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Today is Saturday. It is pouring rain outside. I am under the covers with the computer in my lap, listening to the rain and trying to talk myself into getting out of bed. Is this my new normal? Is it yours? I don't know. What I do know is that I am still breathing, still fighting, and still grateful to be alive. I am grateful that you are, too.<br />
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#glovesup<br />
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Peace & love<br />
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<br />BettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-89588724102517222592017-02-06T17:35:00.001-05:002017-02-06T17:35:19.620-05:00On Aging and the Gifts of CancerAs forty-seven greets me today I am grateful for so many things. I have an incredible family that loves and supports me always, without exception. We are there for each other. I have dear friends that I treasure from all stages of my life. Whether we see each other every day, or go years between visits, we feel like home to each other. We feel like love. I have a job that allows me to feel of service to others and to laugh every day. I have enough. I have enough of everything I need.<br />
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I am grateful for all that the last year has taught me. They were lessons I never wanted to learn, but I am so glad I did. I learned that I can be by myself. I learned that I actually love being by myself. I had no idea. I don't need another person to make me feel whole, I am whole. I am enough, and I am happy.<br />
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I learned that cancer is scary, but it is full of incredible gifts. Without cancer I would never have met some of the people that I now consider family. They know who they are: Irma, Renee, Colbie, Kelly. You know. Without cancer, Baby Sis & Baby Monster wouldn't have come home to visit twice in four months! What a treat! Without cancer, I would have continued running as fast as I could on the hamster wheel that I had allowed my life to become, never taking time to slow down, be still, and appreciate the gifts that were right in front of me. Cancer gave me the gift of dinner with my parents every night for months. Cancer gave me the gift of binge-watching Netflix with my mom and streaming Phish concerts with my dad, as he danced around my recovery bed. Cancer gave me the gift of time on the phone with Mom every morning on my way to work. Cancer taught me that it was okay to go out to a concert with Dad on a school night because I might never have that chance again. Cancer taught me to slow down and realize that now is the only time I have.<br />
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Without cancer, I would never have embraced my #f@ckitcancer diet or shaved my head. I was too afraid to get fat or look silly. Why? Why was I starving myself and fighting with hair that got on my last nerve? I rocked bald and weigh less now than I did before cancer! I look pretty damn good for forty-seven! I look <i>alive</i> at forty-seven!<br />
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Cancer taught me gratitude for every moment, not just the "good" ones, is the key to happiness. I knew it before, but now I know it in my bones, my heart, my brain, and my soul. Cancer taught me that the things I spent most of my time worrying about don't really matter. Life is going to happen as it will, and the only thing I can control is the way I respond to it. That I can do. Cancer taught me that meditation will help me "respond instead of react" to the challenges life throws my way.<br />
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Cancer reminded me of the importance of kindness. It costs me nothing to hold a hand or give a hug, but the joy it can bring is priceless. Cancer taught me to do the things I had been putting off until there was more money or more time. I can take neither of those things with me when I die. Instead I will embrace the experiences that I want to have now, rather than spending on "stuff" that will only create clutter later. Cancer has taught me to let go. Let go of anger, let go of fear, and let go of the "stuff" that was weighing me down. Cancer has taught me how little stuff I actually need. I am still working on getting rid of it, working toward a more minimalist lifestyle, but every day I find at least one thing that would be better off with someone else and I let it go.<br />
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Cancer has taught me that we are stronger together than we are alone. Cancer has taught me that we are all afraid, but if we hold each other's hands and hearts, the fear is much easier to manage. Cancer has shown me that I have gifts to share with those who are facing the battle themselves, and I will.<br />
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Cancer has shown me that my life matters. Cancer has shown me that I didn't need to give birth to make a difference in the life of a child. Cancer has shown me that my kids (my students) remember the life lessons we learned together, no matter how long ago "together" was. Cancer has inspired me to give with my whole heart every, single day.<br />
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Cancer has helped show me how to live.<br />
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Thank you for taking this journey with me. I love and appreciate you all.<br />
#glovesup<br />
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Peace.<br />
<br />BettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-52104809938504214862016-12-18T23:02:00.000-05:002016-12-18T23:05:07.559-05:00On Gratitude and the Gifts of This CancerI know it has been a while since I posted. Part of that was simply recovery and exhaustion. Part of it was struggling to find the words I needed to explain myself coherently. I am pretty sure I am still without the right words, but I am going to give it a shot.<br />
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Glennon Doyle Melton author of <i><a href="http://lovewarriorbook.com/">Love Warrior</a></i>, founder of <a href="http://momastery.com/">Momastery.com</a> and <a href="http://togetherrising.org/">TogetherRising.org</a><br />
has become a hero to me of late. I have been binging her videos and stalking her website for several reasons. She is all about love. She speaks the language of loving each other. The language of love always winning. That is my language. That is the language which I aspire always to speak. She emphasizes the importance of facing our fears, showing up, being honest, and loving the awkward messiness of being human. She also happens to be the love of my beloved Abby Wambach, soccer's G.O.A.T., and author of her own amazing book, <a href="https://www.harpercollins.com/9780062466983/forward"><i>Forward: A Memoir</i></a>.<br />
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I have been hiding behind my fear of saying the wrong thing. My fear of falling apart in front of you, when I have spent so much time focused on finding and showing the positive. I am Still and Always focused on finding the positive, but I need you to know that I feel tremendous fear, and I feel shame for feeling fear, weakness, and sometimes for being weak. I feel sadness for all of the time in my pre-cancer life that I took for granted, even though I told myself I was living every moment, and I feel fear that none of this will make a difference when I want so desperately to do something bigger than myself with this whole damned experience.<br />
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I am rewatching <i>The Hunger Games</i> series this weekend, and was particularly struck by one of the lines, "The only thing stronger than fear is hope." I have hope that by talking about my fears, and yours, together we can all overcome them.<br />
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To that end, I am coming out of my fear closet. I am afraid, on some level, every waking moment of my life. I am afraid that the cancer will come back to kill me. I am afraid that cancer, illness, accident, or violence will come to take someone that I love. I am afraid of all of the things I cannot control. I am afraid that I will go back to existing without really living. I am afraid that I will go back to work full time in January and suck at my job. I am afraid I will let down the people who believe in me. I am afraid for my students, afraid that I won't be there to help them through the pain and difficulty that they will inevitably face in their lives. I am afraid of heights. I am afraid of crowds. I am afraid of going to parties where I don't know everyone. I am afraid of speaking in front of people, but if given a script, I can do anything on stage. Isn't that funny? I am okay being <i>anyone else</i> on stage, but I am terrified to be just me. I have been afraid to show you all of my fear and vulnerability, but fear does not get to win. Fear Does Not Get To Win. Hope Wins. Love Wins.<br />
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This video is as real and raw as am today. I will use my words to overcome my fears, and if you let me, I'll try to help you overcome your fears, as well. Together we can raise each other up out of the darkness of fear and despair, and into the light of love and hope.<br />
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Gloves up, my loves.<br />
Peace<br />
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<br />BettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-74596070793635257142016-11-10T00:00:00.001-05:002016-11-10T00:09:51.372-05:00On Facing Fear With Our Children<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I have mostly stayed away from social media today. I will likely do the same <a dir="ltr" href="x-apple-data-detectors://1" x-apple-data-detectors="true" x-apple-data-detectors-type="calendar-event" x-apple-data-detectors-result="1">tomorrow</a> and for a while.Tomorrow marks two weeks since my reconstruction surgery and I am trying VERY hard to stay positive and focused on healing. </span><div><div><div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">But when I read this article, as a lifelong educator of young people, I realized that This is how we walk our students through any potentially scary experience. Similar articles appeared in the wake of 9/11, Columbine, and the endless list of violence in schools. Understand, please, I am not likening this election to 9/11. I promise. <br>What I am saying is that change is scary for most of us, but is Terrifying for children. The suggestions offered in the attached article by Ali Michael, PhD, can be tweaked and applied in a multitude of ways.<br>It is up to us to tell all of our children that they will be safe, loved, valued, respected, and defended always. That is our job as adults. We must demonstrate this ourselves as best we can so our kids see that kindness, compassion, dignity, respect, and cooperation are right, they are our rights, and they are essential for all of us.<br>I am not here to argue, debate, denigrate, or demean anyone. I am simply offering another look at a way for all of us, and our children to move forward today, and as we face challenges and change in the future.<br>Please be kind to each other, help each other, embrace each other, respect each other, and love each other.<br><br>I love, value, cherish and appreciate you all.<br><br>Peace<br><br><a dir="ltr" href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/what-should-we-tell-the-children_us_5822aa90e4b0334571e0a30b" x-apple-data-detectors="true" x-apple-data-detectors-type="link" x-apple-data-detectors-result="4">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/what-should-we-tell-the-children_us_5822aa90e4b0334571e0a30b</a><br><br><br><br><br>Sent from my iPad</span></div></div></div></div>BettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-79852695688286908502016-10-08T21:23:00.001-04:002016-10-08T21:23:06.278-04:00The Breast Cancer Chronicles - Pink Hair EditionI love that life always keeps me on my toes. I hate that life always keeps me on my toes. My toes hurt. Seriously, my toes hurt! I have to stretch my toes now, on top of everything else! I don't even think I can blame cancer for that one. I certainly won't be blaming age! I haven't aged a day in twenty years!<br />
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It has been a wild couple of weeks! Hurricane Matthew gave us another school-free day. That is three hurricane days this year! I am challenged to remember a time when we had so many days away from school! Stars Hollow came to town, turning one of the fabulous coffee shops in Ybor City into Luke's Diner for the day, and giving away free coffee to swarms of Gilmore Girls fans. I have to say that meeting my dear friend there for coffee and pastries on Wednesday truly was the highlight of my week. I have wanted to live in Stars Hollow since I saw the first episode so many years ago. What fun to pretend for a little while!<br />
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My trip to Stars Hollow was followed a few hours later by a major meltdown over a medical scare. You can hear the story in the video below this. I am taking deep breaths and trying not to worry while I wait for tests and answers. After the doctor, I visited my pups. They are both doing incredibly well and are now helping to train other dog parents.<br />
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I am trying to get out of the house more, as I have learned that curling up into a little ball, hiding at home in my pajamas isn't the best way for me to heal. Some days it is okay to stay in pj's, but getting out has to happen, too. Reverting to the 9:00 PM bedtime that my parents strictly enforced throughout my childhood has made a huge difference this week, and so has yoga. I am getting back to the mat, slowly but surely. This is definitely a good thing. Made it to a movie yesterday<i> in the theatre</i> for the first time in years. Then this morning, I headed over to St. Petersburg for the Hooked on Hope pamper party that took place during their annual fishing tournament. It was a blast! Check out the results of that in the video, too!<br />
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Thanks for all of your support and encouragement! I really do have the strongest army on the planet! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! My trees are calling, so I have work to do.<br />
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Until next time.<br />
#glovesup<br />
PeaceBettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-79394689059878664252016-09-18T18:59:00.000-04:002016-09-18T18:59:48.371-04:00One of those weeks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
The port has been out for ten days now, and for that I am so very grateful! The removal went very well. Dr. Rock Star and his fabulous team were amazing, as always. I think my body had been fighting so hard against it that when it was finally out, all I could do was sleep. I haven't slept that long since just after the surgery! </div>
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This was my first complete week back at work, and it kicked my behind! Some days just trying to put one foot in front of the other takes all of my energy. I'll keep doing it, though, and doing whatever it takes to get stronger every day. </div>
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Oy! Such a face!</div>
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The Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk is October 22nd, just five days before my next surgery. Join me and the rest of <a href="http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/MakingStridesAgainstBreastCancer/MSABCCY16FL?team_id=2069547&pg=team&fr_id=77271&_ga=1.225671578.1219439156.1472088308">Amy's Army</a> if you can. We'd love to have you with us, and have your support for our cause. We still have a long way to go to reach our goal.<br />
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Thank you to everyone who purchased one of my metallic trees in support of our team. They all will go out in the mail this week, and it is entirely possible that there will be more trees for the cause to come. Perhaps an auction next time...we'll see.<br />
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If you want to order a Gloves Up t-shirt, this is your last chance. Follow this link to the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/glovesupwithamy/?hc_ref=PAGES_TIMELINE&fref=nf">Gloves Up With Amy</a> page on Facebook. The order will be placed with the printer tomorrow, so reach out now if you'd like one. Unisex tank tops are also available.<br />
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Have a wonderful week! Take care of yourselves and be kind to each other.<br />
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#GlovesUp<br />
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PeaceBettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-78657924092646161522016-09-07T00:04:00.001-04:002016-09-07T00:04:36.132-04:00The Port Comes Out In The Morning!!!Now I lay me down to sleep<div>
I pray, this port, my doc to keep.</div>
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That's all I've got for tonight. I should be asleep already. More post-port removal. </div>
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Gloves up!</div>
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Peace</div>
BettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-63135744745084002542016-08-24T21:46:00.000-04:002016-08-24T21:46:25.321-04:00The Breast Cancer Chronicles : The Poking EditionAs I got out my phone to film the week's edition, I realized that I completely missed posting an update last week. It was a rough one! <div>
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My final expansion was last Tuesday. Woo hoo! I am stretched enough now. That meant that we could set a date for the second surgery. Unfortunately, it also meant that a rash of hives broke out on my left breast. It was weird. It would get bad, come back, then get worse, and start all over again. I could live with in the beginning because it was in the part of the breast that I can't feel, but Monday it got <i>much</i> worse and sent me to the doctor early. I took pictures if it over several days, and I am so glad I did! The doctors were able to see the changes and pinpoint what the cause might be. </div>
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I will tell you that after two days of urgent doctor's appointments, hospitals, and tests I have been drained, incised, excised, and pierced. I have five holes in my upper torso in such a configuration that regardless of in what position I sleep, there is a spot that hurts like Hell! More meds, here I come.</div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">The second surgery will be the morning of October 27th!!!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"> </span>Hopefully it will be the last. And guess what! We scheduled the surgery for after the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk on Saturday, the 22nd of October. That means I will be walking with Amy's Army! If you have yet to sign up to join us or to donate to our team's goal, here is the link to make it happen right now. <a href="http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?fr_id=77271&pg=team&team_id=2069547">Amy's Army is Making Strides Against Breast Cancer</a>. We'd love it if you would wear one of the Gloves Up t-shirts on October 22nd. If you have yet to order one, this is the place. <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/813485628788746/">Gloves Up t-shirt orders</a>. We will walk #glovesup together to end breast cancer.</div>
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Thank you for taking this journey with me. You all mean more than you know. </div>
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Peace</div>
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BettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-38093815656261310992016-08-08T16:46:00.001-04:002016-08-08T16:50:29.186-04:00The Breast Cancer Chronicles : The Stop Overthinking It EditionI don't know about you, but I have a tendency to overthink things. If you know me I'm sure this comes as a complete shock to you. (Go ahead and laugh now.) Anyway, I do. I am mid-way through my fifth week post-op and have been away from work now for six weeks or more. Our students start next Monday, so this week seemed like the right one to get back into the proverbial saddle. I was terrified! I was worried I wouldn't even be able to walk up the stairs. I was worried that my bald head would scare people. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to last more than a few minutes. I was worried about making sure I had everything with me that I needed. In short, I was worried about everything. Apparently I'm a worrier.<br />
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I should have known better. I did know better, but it was still scary until I stepped onto campus. Immediately I knew I was home again. I was surrounded by love, and hugs, and smiles, and offers to help me carry things. I was with family, and I was happy to be there. I only stayed a couple of hours, but at least I made it. And I will go again tomorrow and stay a little longer. I can do this. I am stronger every day, and I am surrounded by people who are willing and eager to help. I am so very, very lucky and so very, VERY grateful.<br />
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It bothers me that I still let overthinking take control. I know that I should be better about it by now, and sometimes I am, but not always. Nothing is ever as bad as I am afraid it will be. Imagine all of the stuff I could accomplish if I could get out of my own way! In the immortal words of Cosmo Kramer,"Serenity now!" is what I seek. More mindful meditation, yoga, and Buddhify is clearly what I need.<br />
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Is it just me, or do you build things up in your head until they are far bigger than they need to be?<br />
#glovesup<br />
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PeaceBettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-74888316151705810192016-08-04T17:27:00.002-04:002016-08-04T17:32:22.506-04:00The Breast Cancer Chronicles: Sometimes You Just Have to Sleep (Five Weeks Post-Op)Waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to get back to sleep is awful. I think we can all agree on that, regardless of our politics. Yesterday I woke up around 4:00 am. I thought I would go right back to sleep, but I didn't. I couldn't. I fought with myself about taking something, but I didn't think I was hurting badly enough to need it. I tried reading a book, reading the news (big mistake), listening to relaxing music. I finally gave up and downloaded the first season of Outlander. I didn't have a chance after that! I was hooked! Midway through the second episode, Mom texted and we went to explore the new art store in town.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Welcome @blick_tampa</td></tr>
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We had a blast tinkering with all of the tools and toys for artists! I, of course, couldn't resist picking up some new goodies to create my trees! When I asked for test paper, Dave, the guy helping us, asked me to draw something which turned into a sign welcoming them to Tampa. I'm told it will be framed and hanging the next time I am there. What fun! Give them a follow on Instagram @blick_Tampa if you are into art or crafty things.<br />
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New pens = new trees! </div>
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So, of course, I had to try out all of my new goodies when I got home. This tree has a long way to go, but I am enjoying seeing how it develops. I also learned a valuable lesson yesterday. After YEARS of hunting for yellow ball point pens, I found a set that included yellow last week at the dollar store, which I used to begin this tree. I also found some more expensive ones at Blick, but I left them in the store until I could try the first ones. Now I wish I had bought the fancy ones. The cheap ones work, but they leave globs of ink all over the paper. Lesson: sometimes cheap pens aren't worth the price. At least I know now, and can now save up for the good set at Blick.<br />
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After waking up way too early yesterday morning, and running around more than I had in weeks, I knew sleep was imperative. To help, I decided to search some post-mastectomy yoga videos on YouTube last night. I tried a couple of very slow and gentle practices, and they helped me relax enough to sleep. I guess I needed it more than I realized.<br />
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Thank you for all of the input on the videos. I hope they are getting a little better. Today's was a struggle for a multitude of reasons, all of which can be summed up by the words Operator Error. Learning new things is so much fun, isn't it? Welcome, once again, to my world. It may not be pretty, but this is the way it is today.<br />
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I misspoke on the video about how long I have been off the estrogen. It has been about eight weeks now. Still flashing, and not fun! Sorry for the mistake, but I simply could not record this AGAIN! LOL.<br />
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Oh, big news! The wristbands are in again! Thank you to everyone who took one the first go-round. If you would like an Amy's Army #glovesup wristband, please send us a message and we'll make it happen. If you would like a bunch, let us know. The new Gloves Up t-shirt order is up on the Gloves Up With Amy FB page, so check that out and we'll put in an order with the printer asasp.<br />
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Thank you for all of your love, support, encouragement, time, energy, and thoughtfulness. I am still the luckiest girl I know, and I am thankful to all of you every minute of every day.<br />
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As always, like, share, comment, tweet, message, whatever works for you as I learn this blogging and video blogging process.<br />
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Be well. Be happy. Be kind.<br />
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#glovesup<br />
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Peace.<br />
<br />BettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-19541152754604404592016-08-02T18:45:00.000-04:002016-08-02T18:45:14.513-04:00The Breast Cancer Chronicles: The wanted to stay in bed editionSome days it is hard to get out of bed. Some days I hurt a lot and just want to sleep. Today was one of those days. But instead of staying in bed I got up, took a shower (That helped a lot!), had lunch with my parents, and then <i>drove myself </i>(HUGE!) to see my puppies at their sleep-away camp. What a treat it was to see them for the first time in over a month! They are doing great, being well trained and well taken care of while I heal. If you have a dog that needs training, check them out here.<br />
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<a href="http://sitnstaydogacademy.com/">Inghram's Sit & Stay</a><br />
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I forgot to take pictures while I visited puppy camp, I was too busy loving on my babies. Got caught in the storm on my way to the car, and came home to a very unhappy completely soaked kitty on the back porch. Cat trapped now, as I type. The rain didn't ruin my hair, so that was cool!<br />
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Trying to get back my strength so I can start working again soon.<br />
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Thank you for all of the love, support, and encouragement.<br />
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Peace, love, and #glovesup<br />
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<br />BettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-70280723451895366302016-07-31T17:58:00.001-04:002016-07-31T17:58:48.984-04:00The Breast Cancer Chronicles: The Best News!Sorry it has been so long between posts. A lot of life has happened in the last four days. Really good life with lots of celebration!<br />
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Check out the video below for the details. Like, share, comment, subscribe, celebrate, whatever you wish.<br />
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Know that I am thankful to and for every, single one of you whether we have met IRL or only through this blog. Your support, kindness, and love have kept my #glovesup and those of my family, too.<br />
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I'm still getting the hang of this video thing, so please be kind.<br />
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A new post may even happen later tonight. We'll see. I am still really tired and relatively weak, but I am getting better every day.<br />
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Peace, love, and thanks!<br />
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#glovesup<br />
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<br />BettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-15175866213054300522016-07-26T01:46:00.001-04:002016-07-26T01:46:59.416-04:00The Breast Cancer Chronicles ~ The Video Edition: Day OneThis is new territory for me. Breast cancer, double mastectomy, bald head, chemotherapy, and now we add to that list Video Blogging. It does, however, seem like it may be a better option some days than writing a full post because fighting cancer can be exhausting.<br />
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I was holding the camera while I shot it because I am computer-challenged and too tired to figure it out tonight. This is raw video. I feel silly talking to a camera, I apparently look up A LOT when I'm trying to think. Maybe I need a script next time. We'll see. I just wanted to give it a shot and see how it worked.<br />
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Watch with those warnings in mind. Then please be kind if you choose to comment. If you have a suggestion for a phone stand to use during video, I'd seriously appreciate it. I mentioned this is new to me.<br />
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Enough stalling. I need sleep. Laugh. Smile. Giggle. Enjoy. Be kind.<br />
And since I forgot to say it at the end of the post, #GlovesUp<br />
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Peace.<br />
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<br />BettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-44542505604866329522016-07-23T23:01:00.001-04:002016-07-23T23:01:37.958-04:00The Breast Cancer Chronicles: It's Me Again!I'm back! At least for a little while...<br />
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First, thank you to everyone who has been supportive of me and my family through this first round of the battle with breast cancer. Your love, time, thoughts, prayers, energy, calls, texts, messages, tweets, cards, gifts, meals, and shoulders keep us going whenever things become too challenging or scary. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU. I will say it again later because there will never be thanks enough.<br />
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One of my goals in dealing with this damn disease is to use my experience to take some of the fear out of cancer for the next person, or loved one of a person, who faces it. When we talk openly and honestly about things that scare us, the power that those things have begins to dissipate. If it were up to me, and frankly it should be, cancer wouldn't be able to scare or hurt any of us ever again.<br />
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As I have said before, I am lucky to have had the amazing doctors who have helped me through the first surgical part of this journey. Dr. Rock Star and his staff have been lovely, kind, gentle, and even entertaining throughout the "taking them off" part. Dr. Superwoman took the second half of the surgery, "putting them on" in the form of expanders to help my chest muscles learn how to work in their new place. The expanders kind of remind me of whoopee cushions, or empty beach balls. They go in flat and get filled every week with sterile saline until they are the size and shape that the actual implants will be. Pretty cool, right? But I am jumping way ahead. We'll come back to Dr. Superwoman and her terrific team in a little while. In the interest of full disclosure, I must say that I am still on meds, so I talk in circles sometimes. (Like that is anything new! I just have something on which to blame it now!)<br />
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The surgery was three weeks ago yesterday. and I may have to tell this in installments because so much has happened in the last twenty-two days.<br />
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<u>Day One: Surgery</u><br />
I knew that the scan they needed to do of my lymph nodes before the mastectomy involved an injection, what I didn't know until the day before my surgery was that the <i>injection<b><u>S</u></b></i> were to go in just below my nipples <i>without anesthesia</i>! I had never been in so much pain in my entire life. Until after the surgery. There was no way to prepare for that! If any part of it could be funny, it had to be the fact that the doctor who came in to give me the shots was the parent of a former student! I knew as soon as he introduced himself, and I told him how much I enjoyed teaching her. Then, midway through the injection, I remember wailing, "I was nice to W...! Why would you hurt me?" He apologized and just kept on sticking. Then I was left alone for twenty or thirty minutes so the stuff he injected could get where it needed to go to be detected.<br />
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Next was Pre-Op for loads of questions, weight, BP, and an IV. The nurse or tech trying to put in my IV was midway through her <i>second</i> try when a lovely doctor walked in and asked, "Amy?" Instantly I recognized her as the mother of yet another former student! She said, "K... told me you would be here today! I'm not your anesthesiologist, but I wanted to make sure you were okay." I was thrilled! Then she looked at the IV debacle happening in my right arm and said, "I got this. Thanks." Not only did she numb the area -What a concept!- but she put in a painless IV on the first try into an even tougher spot! Thanks, Dr. B! I <i>still</i> have a bruise from the one that was happening when she arrived. After huge thanks, an update on her kids, and a couple of hugs, she was on her way. Just a few minutes later, a former student popped in to check on me. Come to find out she is a tech at the hospital and wanted to give me a pre-op hug! Love you, KH! Again I was overwhelmed with thanks for this amazing life I live.<br />
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And then it was time.<br />
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Surgery started later than scheduled. My Dream Team of perfectionist surgeons had another case before mine, and they wanted to make sure everything was right. We were happy to know how much it mattered to them to get the little things right. The complete operation lasted between four and five hours. Through the post-op haze I remember being almost unable to breathe from the pain I felt coming back into consciousness. Baby Sis tells me that all I got out was a barely audible, "Hurts...so...much," that made them all want to cry. I'm pretty sure I <i>was </i>crying. Loads, and loads, and loads of Dilaudid later, it still hurt like Hell, but I was able to rest a little. E stayed the night with me in the hospital so Mom could go home to get some sleep. He made sure I rested as comfortably as I could with with four drains sticking out of me, not an easy task. That night when I first tried to get out of bed to use the restroom, I remember being so thankful that my office is on the second floor, and that I have taken the stairs up and down several times each day for the last year. That made getting into and out of bed without using my hands or arms a possibility. I'm not sure I could have done that eighteen months ago. #glasshalffull<br />
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Who would have believed that a complete double mastectomy with reconstruction only merited a single night in the hospital? Not this Betty! But that is, in fact, the case. One night only. Getting out of the hospital should have been the easy part right? Not if you know my family! Mom, Dad, and Baby Sis were all there to help. Truth be told, I wasn't feeling particularly well as I made the switch from IV pain meds to pills. I thought I was just a little light-headed and figured it would pass, but probably should have said something. The wheelchair came, everyone took a bag and we were out the door. Suddenly we entered what I was sure was the Walking Dead hospital crossway, remember? You know, the one that was so bright, where they were going to get Beth back from the woman who held the hospital. Yes! That one! The image popped into my head and as it did I heard a crash behind me, followed by an expletive or two. I twisted around in my chair (bad plan after double mastectomy) to see Dad on the floor! The man has a pair of bright, shiny, new hips, so his fall was more than a little scary for all of us! He was fine, but mortified. I remember trying to ask if he was okay, as the nurse was explaining that she needed him to go to the ER to get checked out, and then everything went black. Yep! I passed right out in my chair! I had already been released from the hospital! This had to be a joke. Right? Next thing I knew they were wheeling me <i>back into a room</i>, Dad and Baby Sis had gone downstairs to fill out a report and agree not to sue, since he refused to go to the ER, while I lay in a freshly made hospital bed sobbing. It was, at the time, awful. The next day, it was hilarious! And it gets funnier by the day. I'm pretty sure we have more fun laughing at ourselves than just about anything else. We crack ourselves right up almost all of the time.<br />
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I'll end this post here, but stay tuned for new ones, shorter, and funnier, and filled with hope.<br />
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Thank you for taking this journey with me. Take care of each other and be kind.<br />
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#glovesup<br />
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peace<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Peace from Post Op</td></tr>
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<br />BettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-34649665258365347152016-07-21T16:40:00.001-04:002016-07-21T16:40:04.272-04:00GUEST POST: Three weeks post-op"Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion..."<br />
-Miss Truvy, Steel Magnolias<br />
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These past three weeks have been most stressful we can remember, and we are in for several more before it is all over and done...<br />
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This is Mom, SandiPaints, guest posting now.<br />
Amy is and always will be the most positive person I have known, and with this attitude we have all laughed more then we have cried around this cancer bullsh!t, that is for sure. I love her so much for helping us to help her get on the other side of this and on to the next step.<br />
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Next up we are on to chemo, which none of us likes the idea of, but it is the lesser of two evils so... Bring it on, Chemo! Our gloves are all up!<br />
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We, in this family, have been so blessed and we are Thankful to everyone who has shown us so much love. The doctors, the nurses, the techs, the support staff everywhere we go who have been so wonderful, done so much, and just keep doing more...<br />
The cards, letters, shirts, bracelets, foods, gifts, prayers, shoulders, and good thoughts have been more than we could have asked for, and we are so appreciative...Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!<br />
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Please keep the good thoughts coming as we head into the next phase of crushing this cancer. Chemo starts next Thursday. Amy (Betty) will post her own update soon.<br />
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Thank you all so much. Take care of each other.<br />
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Gloves Up, y'all!<br />
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~ <a href="http://sandipaints.blogspot.com/">sandipaints</a><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Working hard" a while ago at Painting With a Twist.<br /></td></tr>
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<br />BettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-28196650294704871132016-07-15T16:21:00.000-04:002016-07-15T16:21:58.470-04:00Guest Post: Two Weeks Post OpThis is Amy's Dad. Guest posting because she asked me to. Not sure Wy.<br />
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So Amy has been home for 2 weeks today. 2 weeks. And she continues to amaze. She is doing so well. Her last drain (of 4) "fell out" Sunday night. No more drains. She did a little Yoga last evening.<br />
She must get her positive attitude from her Mother. It is serving her so well and we are so happy about it.<br />
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Going to have to have Chemo. Preventative. We'll know more later this week. Surgery seems to have "got it all." All of us feeling so blessed.<br />
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Since Jenn left, Sandi has stayed the night mostly to supervise pain meds, drains, etc. and has taken great care of our girl. I've taken a few shifts as Night Nurse and Amy says I am progressing nicely.<br />
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So <span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">much thanks to so many people for all the food, gifts, positive thoughts, and prayers. You have been such a help to our bodies and our spirits. This is going much better than we ever thought. Thank you. Thank you.</span></div>
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Amy will write her own update soon.</div>
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Thank you for all of your love and support.</div>
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#glovesup</div>
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~Wy</div>
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BettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-73236588791123609592016-07-03T12:55:00.003-04:002016-07-03T14:49:55.879-04:00GUEST POST: The Post-Op Update You've All Been Waiting For Well, here we are. First of all, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jennifer, AKA "Baby Sis", "Monster's Mommy" or "Nifer". I am the little sister of our favorite Betty and I am visiting from Seattle to get in the way, ahem, I mean help with the recovery of my dearest sister.<br />
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So the surgery was three full days ago, and she got through it like a real champ! Both surgeons said she did amazingly well and the surgery went just as expected, no surprises. The cancer does NOT appear to have spread to the lymph nodes! Great news! Thank you, thank you!!<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2g3R0NBzhqqSG4EY4fv3DJ8rWLa7FFJjVNaSK_HCk1jAPNQRtV_ehpZ41QNsLMtLQQg8sgCt_i06oj5G1-vOWRwpa5kjE3P1_mJDxFA_31nXC68TEOB4dwMPsQgrUahTPnlOsZw4mGjM/s1600/FullSizeRender.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2g3R0NBzhqqSG4EY4fv3DJ8rWLa7FFJjVNaSK_HCk1jAPNQRtV_ehpZ41QNsLMtLQQg8sgCt_i06oj5G1-vOWRwpa5kjE3P1_mJDxFA_31nXC68TEOB4dwMPsQgrUahTPnlOsZw4mGjM/s200/FullSizeRender.jpg" width="137" /></a>She will be meeting with a medical Oncologist on the 21st to discuss chemotherapy. Meanwhile, she is home and resting (un)comfortably. She is feeling all of the love and support from "Amy's Army" and she feels, in her exact words, Incredibly Grateful. The calls, texts, cards, deliveries, etc have been wonderful and we are all so, so thankful to have all of you out there pulling for her. It really does make hard times easier when we know that so much love and positive energy surrounds us.<br />
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. You all know My Betty, she can't stay down long, so she will be back to share her words of wisdom soon. Until then, she will be resting, medicating, and building her strength back up so that she can return to being the Rock that you are used to seeing.<br />
Keep those positive thoughts and prayers coming! Gloves up!!<br />
~Jenn<br />
#glovesup #breastcancer #gratitude #surviving #luckygirl<br />
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<a name='more'></a>BettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-78693611157173836212016-06-29T23:24:00.001-04:002016-06-29T23:24:40.327-04:00The Breast Cancer Chronicles Volume Eight or Nine, I've lost count: Tomorrow's the Day!Good evening, friends!<br />
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Tomorrow is the big day. Two boobs are coming off and the beginnings of two fabulous new ones (extenders) are going in to get the next phase started.<br />
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This will be quick. I am exhausted, as I have crammed as much fun, friends, and family into the last few weeks as humanly possible. Today was sincerely one of the most wonderful, memorable, restorative, soul feeding days of my life. Thank you to everyone who had any part in it.<br />
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Hair chopped off: check<br />
"Before" picture taken: check<br />
First boat trip with Monster: check<br />
Dinners with the family: check<br />
Fun times with friends: check<br />
Laughter until tears flowed and I was in pain every day: check<br />
Smile from ear to ear: check<br />
Gloves up playlist(s): check<br />
Deep breaths in and out: check<br />
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Thank you to all of you who have called, texted, emailed, FB or Twitter messages, and snail mailed cards, gifts, and care packages. I have smiled and sometimes cried, too, as I opened it. The thank you notes are going to take me ages, but I am already thanking you in my heart every minute of every day.<br />
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All will be well. Updates will follow as soon as I can get them posted, or have someone post for me. All will be well. I am surrounded by love on every front. I have the best doctors and hospitals I could ever have chosen. All will be well.<br />
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Please be kind to each other the way you have all been so kind to me. Please be even kinder to yourself. You are important. You are special. You are needed. You matter. You are valued. You have gifts to share with our world. Please know that you make my life better each and every day. Our job is to leave our world a better place than we found it. We must each work to do that every day with every breath. Hug someone you love today. Forgive someone today, whether they have apologized or not, for yourself. Forgive. Wrap each other in love. I will be drugged up and sending only positive energy and love into the world for each of you, and those I have yet to know.<br />
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Can you tell I am getting tired? Will likely not even proof this, if you don't tell my students.<br />
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See you on the flat side. Hehe! <br />
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Peace and love to you all.BettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-92087927884641738312016-06-22T00:22:00.001-04:002016-06-22T00:24:52.486-04:00The Breast Cancer Chronicles: Volume Seven After soup, sleep, and antibiotics, this weekend I finally worked up enough energy to set my house in order to receive loved ones who will be here to help for surgery and recovery. Preparing my home to become a place of sanctuary and healing had been weighing heavily on my mind, beneath all of the really big stuff, from the time I found out that The Big C would require a calling-in of the cavalry. Of course I am well aware that no one would actually come into my house to help me and say (or even think), "I can't believe she didn't even vacuum the office!" Or, "I know just the thing to get those rust stains out of your toilet." Go ahead, laugh at that last one, but there is precedent. Bless her heart, my late grandmother was kind enough to offer that tidbit of wisdom to my mother (and our houseful of twenty-plus people) at full voice one particularly memorable holiday. I can't make this stuff up. Seriously. So you can see why I might worry about the thick coating of dust "protecting" the blades of my living room ceiling fan. Right? Right. (But if you <i>are</i> good on a tall ladder cleaning ceiling fan blades, I seriously need you. Call me. Thanks!)<br />
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I digress before I have even begun. Shocker! Welcome to the cacophonous maelstrom of voices jockeying for position in my head.<br />
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In all seriousness, the struggle this week has been to find a way to manage all of the appointments, insurance calls, paperwork, pre-op, pharmacy, sleep, food, meditation, yoga, work, planning, and preparation for all possibilities while still maintaining the "stress-free environment" insisted upon by Dr. Rock Star. I laughed out loud when he said, "No stress," to me with a straight face. I thought he was kidding. I have since learned that he was not kidding...at all. Who knew? So, once again, I have come face to face with my own limitations. And, to be clear, I am<i> not</i> a fan. Today I had to retreat, give up the idea of working normally until the day of the surgery, and go home. I know talked a great game last week about being set up to work from home, but I didn't want to actually <i>need</i> to work from home. I wanted to, once again, be able to do it all. I learned, once again, that I cannot. Excellent, eager, exceptionally capable people are in place to do the parts of my job that need to be managed in my absence. I need to let them. I will let them. I will do what I can do, but know that all will be well. I am so very grateful and so very lucky.<br />
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I am told that I have one job right now: to fight. I am told that by others. I am learning to tell myself. I know, and am constantly reminded, that I am a fighter. Unfortunately it appears that I have been fighting against only myself. This is never a good idea. No matter how I win that fight, I lose.<br />
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Tonight, after I hit Publish, I will hit the yoga mat, like I do every night. But tonight, rather than fighting to find the Yin Yoga poses of release, I will exhale deeply and surrender. Within the surrender the chaos will quiet. Within the surrender the stillness will be found. Within the surrender, the kind, gentle, loving voice of my soul will be heard. Within the surrender the strength that I need for this battle will be found. Within the surrender the victory will be realized.<br />
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Rest well, my friends. Find your surrender. Find your stillness. Find your light. The light in me honours the light in you.<br />
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#glovesup<br />
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Peace<br />
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<br />BettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-40088749734191621672016-06-16T21:34:00.000-04:002016-06-21T22:45:19.718-04:00The Breast Cancer Chronicles: Volume Six, Because sometimes breast cancer just isn't enough...I woke up yesterday with a searing sore throat. Usually I just suck it up and wait three weeks or so, until I feel like I'd have to get better to die, to go to the doctor. Not this time. My surgery is fourteen days from today, and if I am sick, it won't happen. Unacceptable.<br />
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So I went to my regular doctor today, aching all over, throat worse, and head starting to feel full and hot. Try to contain your shock when I say that I have a sinus infection. Welcome to my life. The good news is that I can take the same antibiotics that I will get for pre and post-up, I'll just be on them ten days longer than planned.<br />
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I came home and slept for four or five hours AGAIN! Then I got us, had some magic soup, took my meds, and can already barely keep my eyes open.<br />
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So thankful for the white tea that arrived today to fill me with antioxidants. Thank you to my college friend who was so very thoughtful. It is making my throat feel better for sure.<br />
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Be kind, be well, be rested, and be restored. Our job is to leave the world a better place that it was when we got here. We can do that one breath, one positive thought, one act of kindness at a time.<br />
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Peace<br />
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(Too sleepy to go back and proof this again, so please forgive any typos.)<br />
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More peace.BettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-60525025336132225112016-06-16T00:44:00.002-04:002016-06-16T00:44:24.594-04:00The Breast Cancer Chronicles : Volume Five, The Roller Coaster ContinuesI think the things that are challenging me the most right now are my own expectations. I feel like I should be able to get everything done that I want to do, when I want to do it. I feel like I should be able to do my job by myself, without asking for help. I feel like I should be able to handle all of the doctors' visits, and paperwork, and testing, and scheduling, and meds on my own, without needing to be reminded. I feel like I should be able to go to sleep when I go to bed, and wake up with my first alarm and live my life as usual. I feel like I should be able to handle two big, energetic, crazy dogs and a neurotic cat on my own... But I can't. That is the reality that has smacked me square in the face, over and over again today. I can't do it all on my own. I HATE THAT.<br />
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I love that I have friends and family who want to help. I appreciate that more than I have words to express. I know that I Need that help, but I don't Like that I need that help. I don't like putting an extra burden on other people. I like taking care of other people. I am so uncomfortable with the shoe on the other foot. But I know that learning to walk in these uncomfortable shoes is part of my lesson in this journey. (If those shoes could have red soles toward the end of the journey, that would make it easier to handle.)<br />
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I read somewhere that the greatest way we can show our love for others is by allowing them to help us. Well, if this is true, I must seriously suck at showing love for others! OR maybe this is the first time that I really have the chance to show all of those who have asked to help just how much I do love them. That must be it! This is my chance to show that I love everyone enough to Ask for help. Now if I can figure out what shape that help should take, I'll be one step closer to making it happen.<br />
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Thank you to everyone who has asked how to help. I am working on figuring that out, but will put it into words as soon as I do. <br />
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At work, my colleagues have gone out of their way to take things off my plate, and for this I am grateful beyond words. Working from home for some of my more challenging times has also become an option. For this I am grateful. Hugs, tissues, pep talks, ears, and shoulders appeared today just when I needed them. For this I am grateful.<br />
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Tonight we honored the birth of Middle Sister. For this, I am grateful. To have her home, even for a little while, is a tonic to my soul. For this I am grateful. Tonight I learned that Baby Sis and Monster will be home to help me through the surgery and recovery. For this I am grateful. Tonight I am warm, safe, and surrounded by healing energy. For this, I am grateful.<br />
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Be well, my friends and know that, for each of you, I am grateful.<br />
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#glovesup<br />
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Peace.BettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-76418250833901853372016-06-14T23:07:00.000-04:002016-06-14T23:11:53.780-04:00The Breast Cancer Chronicles: Volume FourSo yesterday happened. And it was a rough one. And then I slept for four hours, got up, organized the kitchen cabinets, did some yoga and went back to bed.<br />
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And then the cat woke me at 3:00 AM and peed on the floor. Immediately I decided he was in full-on kidney failure. I was a wreck again. And then I bleached the floor.<br />
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I tried to go back to sleep. #fail<br />
I tried journaling. #fail<br />
I tried mindful meditation. #fail<br />
I tried stretching. #fail<br />
It was shaping up to be a great morning to go back to work!<br />
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But go back to work I did. Not as early as I had hoped, but I got there safely. Many other people around the world never made it to work today.<br />
And then my day became about gratitude.<br />
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I am grateful that I made it safely to and from work today.<br />
I am grateful that I was greeted with smiles, hugs, love, and support at work when so many others are miserable in their jobs.<br />
I am grateful that the first thing the vet did was give me a hug when he came into the room because he knew I was scared.<br />
I am grateful that I spent a surprise evening with Mom and Dad, floating in the pool, eating, laughing, and listening to amazing music when so many others are away from those they love in one way or another.<br />
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I am so grateful to realize how incredible my life is. I am surrounded by everything I need to get through each day. I have been taught to find the strength I need to get through anything. I have been taught to ask for help. I have been taught to look for the good in people, even when they try to show me something else. I don't always see it, but I always know it exists.<br />
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Thank you to everyone who called, texted, messaged, emailed, hugged, gifted, laughed, sent prayers, sent positive energy, thoughts, strength, and healing my way today. You each reinforced for me how much we have to take care of each other. We all need love. We all need to belong. We all need to heal.<br />
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Tonight I go to bed chlorine-soaked, skin shriveled, belly full, heart warm, and soul at peace.<br />
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Love and celebrate each other with every breath.<br />
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Gloves up!<br />
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PeaceBettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4917133657450714094.post-66136804220561304902016-06-13T21:11:00.001-04:002016-06-13T21:22:45.262-04:00The Breast Cancer Chronicles: Volume ThreeTrying so very hard to put this day into words, and really struggling. As much as I hate to admit it, I let this day send me into fetal position (the very day after I said I wouldn't do that for lmore than a few minutes!) where I slept all afternoon and allowed my brain to rest and process.<div><br></div><div>Nothing has changed, except that I learned today how much harder this was going to be than I wanted to believe. Notice the word "wanted" in there. I knew it was going to be awful. I knew it was going to hurt like Hell and have a long recovery process, but I didn't realize just how long and how involved a double mastectomy with reconstruction really is. </div><div><br></div><div>In my perfect dream world, I wake up from the surgery, cancer and pain free, with a perfect new set of breasts that are complete and need nothing else. I've also lost fifty pounds, my hair and make-up are so perfect that I could be on a movie set. I LOVE that world... In the real world, I wake up with expanders in my chest, that will be injected with saline every week until they reach the right size and shape. Meanwhile I am taking chemo regularly and going bald. THEN, well after any chemo has ended, there is another surgery to put the actual implants in place. </div><div><br></div><div>In my head it went: surgery - back to work the next week - chemo - shave head - life and work as usual - cured forever! Celebrate! In the real world it goes more like: surgery - recover from surgery - chemo - next surgery - recover from next surgery - cured - back to life as usual. I am sure that work and home life are in there at regular internvals, but I don't know when, where, or how.<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">I am scared, really scared, of how long the recovery part of this usually takes. I wanted to be Superwoman. I wanted to be the one who could take all of this while still managing work, taking care of two big, energetic dogs and a cat, doing yoga every day and setting the world on fire. </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Instead, I found out I am just a regular person. But a very lucky one who has a fierce army surrounding her on all sides. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">I had mountains of insurance paperwork and planning to do today, but instead I collapsed into bed and slept there for four hours. I bet even Superwoman has to nap too sometimes. I bet every woman and man who has fought this fight has been exhausted sometimes. But after we rest, we get back up, put our gloves up, and fight on until we win. </span></div><div><br></div><div>One of my amazing survivor friends was with me and Mom at the plastic surgeon's today. She said something that I have heard in different ways several time of late. This time, it really seemed to get in my head. "You are going to feel everything on this journey, scared, angry, sad, hopeful, hopeless, happy, and even like giving up sometimes. Allow yourself to feel all of those things without judging them. Feel them and let them go." I may be paraphrasing a bit, but I heard it, and I listened this time. </div><div><br></div><div>Today was one of those terrified, yet hopeful days. I was discouraged, but I knew it wouldn't last. Sleep helped. Writing this blog helped. An anonymous gift of a mantraband that said, "Never Give Up' arrived, and that helped. If you are the one who sent it to me, thank you. I will never give up. I will fight every minute of every day I have, even in the minutes when I am sleeping, I am preparing for the fight. </div><div><br></div><div>I can do this. I will do this. I appreciate all of you for your support and encouragement. Together we are strong. </div><div><br></div><div>Peace and love.</div>BettyRants41http://www.blogger.com/profile/03307575401247219373noreply@blogger.com4