"Unsafe Containers"

"Which emotion(s) — joy, envy, rage, pity, or something else — do you find to be the hardest to contain?""

I have to be honest, I was not a fan of this prompt at first. It frustrated me that an answer didn't immediately spring to mind. In fact, I fought against every possible answer that popped into my head. I didn't want to do it. But the whole point of a challenge is to, well, challenge oneself, so I decided to examine my reluctance more closely.

Which emotions do I find the hardest to contain? After chewing on this for a while, I realized why I had been so reluctant to touch it. I find ALL of them diffficult to contain. When I am happy, everyone knows it. I will tell total strangers how amazing everything is. I feel like I am exploding with joy, so I have to share it. The same, I have found, is true when I am unhappy. Whether it is sadness, frustration, or anger. On me there is no hiding it.

Through my students this year (middle school girls) I have learned that I actually wear the way that I feel in the way that I dress. I was stunned by this realization. I am a pretty happy person, and I typically dress for work in bright, vibrant colors, putting together accesroies that will add just the right pop of color. I came in to school one day wearing khakis and a grey shirt, and my girls thought something awful had happened. I was mindboggled. I was just having kind of a blah day, a little down, but nothing earth-shattering. I was told, in no uncertain terms, by my girls that I should never dress like that again unless something was really wrong because it scared them. I have worn black to work twice since then, first when we lost Nelson Mandela, and more recently when my very dear friend lost his mother. Both times I explained to the girls the reason behind my choices, and they understood that grief sometimes comes in darkness, and it is okay to feel that pain.

It seems that even when I don't mean to, when I don't think I am wearing my emotions on my face, I am wearing them on my body. So it seems that the "unsafe container" is me. I feel everything, and I show it. I'm fine with that, and don't consider it unsafe at all.