Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Filling the Void
It is amazing to me how aromas can blast us back decades in time in a single instant. Today was my grandfather's birthday. He died in 1999, but I still miss him like it was yesterday.
I stopped at his favorite bakery, Housewife Bake Shop, on my way home from work this evening before dinner at my parents' house. Pop Pop and I used to stop at the bakery on the way home to my house from his at least once a week while I was growing up. As I pushed open the door this afternoon, l was hit with the old, familiar smell of sweet, fresh, deliciousness that I hadn't encountered in years. I was overcome.
As I battled the lump that instantly formed in my throat, I had to fight back tears. I knew that I missed him, but damn! Of course the first thing I saw were his favorite creme horns staring back at me from behind the same old shiny glass case. I found myself stammering am apology to the sweet clerk behind the counter and trying to explain. She said she had just lost her grandfather and now I was making her cry! I tried to tell her that it gets easier, but I'm afraid I didn't look all that convincing.
Thirty dollars, two white boxes, and one bag later I made it to my car. I closed the door, turned the key in the ignition, turned on the air and music, told Pop Pop how much I missed him, and let the tears fall.
Yes, it gets easier. Life goes on, just as it should. But some days, the empty space feels cavernous and no bakery treat, no matter how sweet, will ever fill that void.
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Thanks...sniff
ReplyDeleteMy heart was hurting...
DeleteWe were all so lucky to have him.
Love you.
Wow. I needed to read this tonight. My pawpaw has began his journey home, and I said my goodbyes to him today knowing I would not see him on this earth again. I felt his presence just as you did. Perhaps your pop pop is welcoming him home. What a lovely memory you shared. xx
ReplyDeleteOh, Kari, I'm so sorry! Yes, I'm sure Pop is laying out the welcome mat for PawPaw, and that they are about to become the best of friends. I wish that was going to make it easier on you.
DeleteSadly, even when we firmly believe that it is time and for the best, it still hurts like Hell. I'll be here when you need me.
Even bigger hugs are waiting for you now in NOLA.
Glad this could help a little.
Love, strength, and light,
Betty
I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteBut at the same time, I'm glad you can be reconnected with him just by stopping in the bakery, and to know that he is still with you.
Thank you so much, Guap. He is always with me. I still hear his voice in my head, even with all those other loud ones, jockeying for position in there! And yes, the bakery will always take me back to him.
DeletePeace, love, and light,
-Betty
It never goes away but smiling at the memories gets a little easier. Hope you enjoyed your treats.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Suzanna. I did very much. I should have enjoyed them I smaller doses, but they were delicious, nonetheless.
DeleteAnd the smiles on all of our faces last night were a good thing.
Thank you for taking time to read and comment.
Peace and light,
-Betty
I unfortunately never knew any of my grandparents personally because my parents immigrated to Canada before I was born. They are all no longer with us. So I've always been envious of people who grew up with grandparents, they are very lucky. Now I'll be a smarty pants, I don't see Barbara's Blog on your blog list...:D
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading and commenting, Barb!
DeleteI will remedy the disturbing lack of BarbBlog this weekend!
Peace, love, and light,
~Betty